should i play in terror?
having gone through love's error...

the turmoil i felt, the torture she put me through and the denial that i had to live in. our love, once deemed impeccable, pliable has since come to an end. i swear, till now, i couldn't find a single flaw in us. my soulmate, my bestfriend, my girlfriend, my most prized possesion, she is. fond memories is what's left of her. we were living a dream, we were denying all odds. we were there for one another, through thick and thin. i was her bolt of lightning and she... she was my boomin thunder. the hardwork we put in and the love we together sowed. for 5 yrs, i chose to believe that we would, one day, reap the love we once sowed. hoping in vain, for us to blossom. did she she con me into believing? or did i force myself into believing? once a fond and avid fan of love, now a rabid fan of love. - andi 28 nov 2005

i see a beam of light
is this the end my horrifying plight?

should i allow love to embrace me once again? should i put my-fragile-self at risk once again? what are the chances of me finding love? is there anyone out there with my lifeline? even so, would i embrace love willingly? the principle i lived on, only love when love is gone. the love i once i had, has long been lost in this red sea of mine but i seem to hesitate. i seem to shun myself away from love. have i not found love? have i not rubbished the love letters that i was once embossed with? perhaps, our dearest cupid has run out of special arrows tipped with love-coated tips. or did cupid's silver arrow ricohet off me? possible, knowing that i did shun myself away from her. what has been done can never be undone. patience is virtue. i shall not resort to searching, for it may bring me more displeasure.

may we blossom into something beyond beautiful and complete...

may my wait not be in vain.
with love, i wish to be stained

- andi 13 dec 2005

january 10, 2001, 6.15 pm ( estimated ), the day our palms were introduced to one another. the passionate and tender first kiss under a bus-shelter. january 10, a day to remember, fondly, for god had sent me an angel to guide me through life. and guide me she did, she showed me the meanings of life and the meaning of love. she effortlessly disposed the boastful, arrogant and unpleasant side of me. she murdered the conniving bastard that's been living in me. little did i know, 4 years 11 months later,she would do the disappearing act on me. dear readers, you may disparage me for all this bullshit, but i'm just being honest here. althought, the candle of love has been extinguished, i will live my life in anguish, asking myself " why is she so selfish? " we may be over, we may have moved on but our love or rather my love for her is immortal. the candle will still burn, not brightly but dimly. my first love, my current love and my forgotten love. the tomfoolery us that we are, we'd do silly things to relief us of our boredom. we're both of the same species, buffoons. we'd terrorise the streets with our boisterous laughters, our wierd dances, our ear-splitting, dramatic quarrels... etc etc etc. we were of corresponding shapes. it was all fun and frolics, our relationship, now a thing of the past...

questions of my existance
is it of any importance?
matter of the hearts spoken
a ray of hope, love-stricken

questions of my devotion
in you, i'll find corruptions
shackles of love u gladly loosen
the pang of anger, pain-stricken

the reincarnation of love
the opportunity that i deserve
a new you i've observed
in this cocoon, i'll stay reserved

signs of lacerations
from an unjustified lover's addiction
the virgin's love sensation
all part of life's incision

the toxic air that i breath
the feelings i continue to weave
gravity continues to suck me in
to the chambers of hell that lies beneath
in a gloomy room that was deemed eerie
sits a girl voicing silent shrieks
clutching her face while she bleeds
" love me tenderly ", to me she bids
a cautious approach with every step
the fear in me starts to stack
the cold air that surrounds the room
in this peril, my heart will loom
a magical wall seperates us both
in her, it's me she'll find to loathe
" pull me closer " i might hear her say
though i know, in him she wants to stay...
with blood streaming down her face
the sombre smile she'll ever grace
the unforgiving silence that filled my ears
in the blink of an eye... she disappears...

how shallow can one be?

dead in my dreams i'll be - andi

i lay still on my death bed
illusions of you start to fade
the days of uncertainty
visions of you is all that i'll see

with each cigarette i lit
in every puff i, my emotions hid
someone, please lull me to sleep
slit my throat and let me bleed

you're the last vision i see
dead in my dreams, i'll be
on the floor i will then reel
dead in my dreams, i'll be

can u hear my silent screams
can you hear me through this sheet
when i'm being lowered six feet under
with those 3 words, you'll stutter

you're the last vision i see
dead in my dreams i'll be
on the floor i will reel
dead in my dreams, i'll be

someone lull me to sleep
slit my throat and let me bleed
and on the floor i will reel
dead in my dreams, i will be...

an advice... never get wasted the night before work... especially if work is on a sat!!!!! heed my advice, my fellow alcoholics, heed my advice. no words in the world, can interpret the sick-like feeling i'm experiencing. suffice to say... i've got a panda-like eyes due to insufficent slp! i reek of alcohol and my head is spinning like a record. malfunction of the brain.... argh! and oh... my throbbing pain from my tooth is killing me! EXTRACT IT!!! it's driving me mental...

angelic smile - andi
i thought im whole
never needed a soul
i'm just like ghoul
there's no one to hold

and there u were
u're such a dear
my feelings so clear
im thinkin of u... dear...

angelic smile
i'm not in denial
give me ur hand
i'll teach u to stand...

dat angelic smile
im never in denial
i'll teach u to stand
if u give me ur hand...

each day i miss
u're such a bliss
your heart, i would steal
ur love, i'd like to feel...

ure sent from above
only u, i would love
for all that is worth
u;'ll be the one that i love

dat angelic smile
im not in denial
show me the way
i wish u could stay

angelic smile
im never in denial
for u i would die
for u i could cry...